Relationship red flags come in different forms. These warning signs can be revealed through intuitive feelings and by revealing attributes of a boyfriend’s character. If red flags are overlooked the one person we hurt most is ourselves.
The following is a list of seven red flags you should not ignore in a relationship. Recognizing relationship red flags can prevent disappointment and heartache.
1. Dishonesty- There can be a fine line between being blatantly dishonest and trying not to hurt your feelings. The dating process is the critical time for boyfriend and girlfriend to get to know one another and honesty is essential.
It is important for him to be completely honest about his feelings and views if you are truly going to get to know him.
If all-too-often his excuse for not being straight with you is he “did not want to hurt your feelings” then:
a. There may be a communication barrier in the relationship.
b. There may be too many differences between the two of you.
Communication and unity are not only important in the dating process but critical in a long-term, successful relationship. The two of you need to be comfortable with expressing yourselves.
If he is blatantly dishonest then there really is no justification. Lying during courtship is a sign of disrespect toward you and can be an indication of his true character. Dishonesty is a quality of someone who has something to hide and lacks integrity.
2. Other People Know Your Business- Whether it is personal information about you or information personal to the relationship, under most circumstances it is inappropriate for others outside the relationship to be made aware of anything that is or should be kept private. If private matters of your relationship are made known to or discussed with others this is a sign that there is a communication problem in the relationship. Also, it can be an indication of one’s level of maturity in dealing and coping with problems.
Problems within the relationship need to be resolved within it. If there is a need to discuss a problem with others, that displays a lack of ability to resolve concerns between the two of you. This is not a good characteristic of a healthy relationship.
Any rationalization to justify seeking third party advice— from family, friends, and perhaps, even professional help— all come down to one bottom-line: weak communication exists in connection with a lack of ability to resolve differences in the relationship. Rationalizations like “he doesn’t listen to my side of the story”, “he is hard to talk to”, and “he gets defensive”, etc. all come back to that bottom-line.
If it is your personal business that is being shared with others, that is sign of disrespect toward you. A good man knows he should be respectful of your private matters which includes keeping private conversations confidential and being sensitive to your needs and feelings.
3. Something About Him Bothers You- “Bothersome” can come in two forms: He leaves you with a sense of distrust or uneasiness, or something about him is a nuisance.
Whether it is a single characteristic or multiple qualities about a boyfriend that bug you, you should not ignore those feelings. Why? Because if it bothers you enough to notice it and you have to consciously decide not to let it bother you, you are compromising yourself. Do not force yourself to accept something you do not like and are not comfortable with.
Do not succumb to making a “pro’s and con’s list” to decide that maybe there are other good qualities about him that make him tolerable. Again, if you have to consciously decide not to let it— or him— bother you then ultimately you are sacrificing your own standards and contentment.
4. You Feel Unappreciated – In a romantic relationship a key part to your happiness is feeling appreciated and cherished. You would not expect anything less and you shouldn’t. If he blows you off, is insulting or rude, and you are not a major priority in his life, do not accept what little he has to offer. No one like’s feeling unappreciated and he should be the first person to make sure you do not feel that way.
5. Mistrust or Doubt On Your Part- Instincts are a girl’s best friend. Sometimes all we have to let us know that a relationship is not right is our instinct. If you have feelings of mistrust or doubt toward him or the relationship, it is important to follow your intuition. The reason why we have this sixth sense is to make us aware of what we could not otherwise see or understand. Trust your gut!
6. He Rubs Your Family or Friends the Wrong Way- Our family’s and friend’s instincts can also signal a red flag in a relationship. We all have heard the cliché “love is blind”. And if you have become blinded by love, family and friends can help to see the truth. It can be easy to become caught up in a whirlwind romance and they have the ability to see more objectively.
If it is uncharacteristic for family or friends to be vocal about their dislike or questioning of a boyfriend’s character, then there is probably reason for you too to be concerned. They may be catching on to something that you are not.
There is a difference between family and friends being overly-protective and that of being reasonably concerned. Do not automatically dismiss one’s apprehension for the first; especially if it is possible there is some truth and reason to their uneasiness.
7. What Matters To You Doesn’t Matter To Him- Just as important as how he treats you is sharing common beliefs and goals.
You are only going to be happy living by those principles and following aspirations that bring you joy. He needs to help you live by those principles and support you in your dreams. A relationship will only be a happy, healthy one if you too feel happy, spiritually healthy and enriched by it. Never change who you are to make a relationship work. Rather, be a part of a relationship that is in harmony with you.